


Spilled Ink

by EsculentEvil



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Budding Love, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Headcanon, Humor, Love Poems, M/M, Parody, References to My Other Works, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-07 06:56:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 2,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16849285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EsculentEvil/pseuds/EsculentEvil
Summary: A collection of drabbles centered around Batman, Joker, and BatJokes.Originally posted to my Tumblr @esculentevil





	1. Trickster

## It’s a trick of the light; it has to be.

Why else would Joker’s wild green hair look so soft and supple as it splays along Bruce Wayne’s pillow case?

Why else would the rise and fall of the mad man’s thin torso fill the hero’s heart with such tenderness?

Why else would the bony hand buried in the billionaire’s be so… beautiful?


	2. The Why of His Needs

When Batman  **finally**  realizes just  **why**  he needs the Joker in his life,  
Bruce Wayne makes it a point to always carry the loon back to his home  
and patch him up before the night is done (usually with the clown knocked out);

It’s the closest he can come to apologizing for turning him into his punching bag  
because he  **needs**  to be able to unleash all the pain, hurt, and aggression in him  
and only the Joker can take it all, time after time, and  **live**.


	3. Unexpected

It was something Bruce Wayne had never really worried about.

The idea of Batman bleeding into his philanthropist persona when it’s forced to interact with the Joker during a heist, hold up, or hootenanny was always a fear. The possibility of Batman’s bold, stony sense of justice spilling forth from the playboy’s  ~~supposedly~~  pure fists and into that laughing face like it’s  **normal**  when it would be anything  **but**  for air-headed, socialite Bruce Wayne was also a fear. The probability of the Joker noticing Batman’s chin on Bruce Wayne was too.

But the flirtations of Bruce Wayne fumbling out of Batman’s mouth...

That was unexpected.

* * *

 

To be fair: Joker never expected it either; and he still doesn’t, no matter how often it now occurs.


	4. The Clown Cape

One day, Joker steals Batman’s cape.

He spends hours playing with it and showing it off before accidentally destroying it  ~~somehow~~. Batman, of course, is furious when he finds out and beats Joker up.

In an attempt to make it up to his Batty-boo, Joker attaches himself to Batman’s shoulders during the walk to Arkham and takes the place of his now ruined cape.

Batman ~~, amused,~~  accepts the weird apology  ~~because he has numerous capes in the cave, knows Joker just did it to flirt with him, and honestly thinks it’s cute~~.


	5. Warmth

**He's warm.**

It’s a concept that still surprises Bruce no matter how many times they touch.

It clashes too harshly with the visuals: the bone white skin tinged teal and turquoise like the dead stones too many people kill for; the wraith-like limbs that look more like white poplar twigs which writhe and twine, noose-like, about him; the angular sharpness of joints and teeth, jarring and tearing like jail cells and tornadoes; the opaqueness that lies between and makes enemies out of them.

But perhaps that is why it shouldn’t be a surprise: those are the things the bat sees and feels; of course, the man behind it would see and feel things differently.


	6. The Joke of Iris

Iris is a lady  
a really pretty lady  
that lives in her shop  
and makes flowers nonstop.

Her clients all know her  
as the beauty beholder  
whose multitude of flowers  
end up in bloodied showers.

And although they ask her everyday  
“Why do we pay  
you in this way?”  
They find that she will only say:

“Because I want to weep over your dead bodies.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: bad joke; dark joke; featuring the Joker’s morbid as fizz humor; sorry if it makes no sense.  
> Note 2: Might help if I point out that Iris is a pun referring to both the part of the eye and the flower; the eye and the showers are meant to allude to tears while the flower is meant to allude to the fact that irises are often seen as the link between the afterlife and the current life with the purple iris having a history of being “[planted over the graves of women to summon the goddess **Iris** to guide them in their journey to heaven](https://www.teleflora.com/meaning-of-flowers/iris).” Not sure if that really explains anything but... yea.  
> Note 3: This is based on a dream I had where Joker was trying to comfort a child with a callous joke; the child in the dream wasn’t young Bruce, but this **might** be related to my _[Slow Burn AU](https://esculentevil.tumblr.com/post/172162800489/batjokes-prompt-doubles-as-brujokes-prompt-slow)_.  
> Note 4: They pay her by putting her flowers on their graves. That process of bodies decaying and becoming nourishment for plants and **flowers**? Yea, that’s her. And that’s what they pay for.


	7. The JokingBat Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To the tune of _The Addams Family’s_ theme song.

They’re batty and they’re loony,  
Extravagant and loopy,  
They’re altogether goofy,   
The JokingBat Family! 

Their manor’s an orphanage  
When people send them postage  
They find the residents change  
The JokingBat Family!

[snaps twice]  
Laugh  
[snaps twice]  
Cute  
[snaps twice]  
Bat

So go and get a cowl on  
A Batmobile to fight on  
We’re gonna get our brawl on  
The JokingBat Family!


	8. (Sub)Texting

A  _buzz_  echoes throughout the Batcave.

Dick Grayson lifts his head at the sound and raises a dark-haired brow as he looks around. The socket wrench in his hand echoes familiarly as it is set on the ground: completely different from the foreign singular vibration that preceded it.

Batman’s phone is not with him.

Confounded, the young boy—nearly a man—walks away from the Batcycle he had been working on and towards the Batcomputer with bizarre caution. His eyes are narrow and suspicious even as the device does not again wake.

The screen is black.

The First Robin carefully picks the device up, a frown marring his normally well-humored face. The little machine is quiet, still, as he turns it over in his hand, unsure what to do with it. The Bat went out on an important errand with the Batmobile and won’t be back for some time (It’ll probably lead to a lead... Ha!).

What should he do?

Well, he does what any other self-respecting teenager would do.

* * *

 

( _Just because I fight crime doesn’t mean I don’t snoop!_ ) he justifies.

Dick smirks to himself as he presses the power button and swipes the screen, inputting the security password—sILENCE—with ease. The phone opens up with no sound and automatically pulls up the most recent notification for viewing.

It’s a text message.

The snooper raises his brow again and cants his head: he doesn’t recognize the handle. ( _Who is **Joy**?_) he wonders as he notes the lack of a display image.

His attention, however, is quickly pulled away by the actual text message: Wearing that dress you like, darling~ ♦ 💋 Come see it~ he he!

Dick’s face turns completely red ( _O; THAT kind of “joy”... heh wow_ ).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was originally gonna say Fruitcake but, well, the temptation to make this part of the Joy the stripper!Joker AU I came up with months ago was just too much; I had to! Even though this obviously takes place AFTER the interaction described in that main idea, I hope you like the innuendo for how things between Joy and Bruce pan out. I might even do more for it and really delve in [since those that said they might haven’t yet.]! Feel free to let me know what you think!


	9. A Promise Kept

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set after (1) _[Promise Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16842964/chapters/39896550)_ and (2) _[He Promised](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16844290/chapters/39896790)_.

The last thing he remembers is the batsignal:  
blazing in the sky for a man that won’t arrive.

The first thing he’s aware of is the Bat’s silhouette:  
large and foreboding as it streaks across the sky.

The Tuesday sun warms the innards of his hideout  
as what he thinks are love and joy warms his heart.

“Harley! Get up! You were right~! **Batsy’s baaack** ~”


	10. Dangerous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A poem inspired by my own love life as well as that of Batman and Joker.

We played it safe:  
dancing around each other for years upon years;  
Both of us too afraid  
of loosing/the other running away.

It’s hard to image  
that we might still be there,  
teetering on the edge:  
That rooftop of despair.  
  
Because, now,  
I stand,   
alone,  
with you here:

Your heavy heart forever loved in my hand.


	11. Celebrating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no idea which Bat and Joke this is. It felt like Arkham’verse, though, with a bit of the 40′s. I’d say a Bronze Age Joker is a safe bet but, really, given the reference to the Golden Age... could safely be either! Anyway, **this takes place after** _[BatJokes/BruJokes: Knowing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16842964/chapters/39958083)_! It’s important to read that one first as it’s referenced/the topic of their talk below! Thanks!

“Hmm~?” Joker purrs as he looks over his shoulder, “Missed me already~?”

Batman gazes back, a slight frown on his face. He’s thinking about the last time they both shared a stage: a rooftop in downtown Gotham lit by real fireworks.

Real: Joker hadn’t been using explosives; they were  **just**  fireworks.

“O, come on, Bats!” the clown giggles, drawing the other’s attention. They lock gazes as the villain continues mockingly, “Is this really any way to treat a girl?”

Batman sighs quietly and nods, waving the guards and orderlies away.

Once the door slams shut and locked behind them, the staring contest resumes. Joker smiles, almost knowingly, and pats a spot beside him with one of his feet.

Batman is certain the clown would use his hand if it wasn’t bound.

Nodding again, the Bat makes his way to the other’s side and settles down. The cell’s padding is strangely welcoming—as is Joker’s amused smile.  **He knows**.

“Cut the feed.”

Villain and vigilante watch as the tiny red lights on the security cameras go out, showing the hero’s command was followed. Joker grins up at the Bat once they’re alone and slides a little closer to him. Batman allows this—for now.

“Did you tell anyone?”

Joker chortles. He’d probably flip his hand—very flamboyantly—if he could. Instead, he just shakes his head, “No-ho-ho~! Of  **course**  not,  **Bruce** ~!”

The hero glares.

Joker rolls his eyes, “Not even Harley~” He sniggers to himself as Batman nods, accepting that statement. That’s not the only thing he came to ask, however.

“Why not?”

The clown, again, laughs, “Rea~lly, Bats?” Then, he rolls his eyes and sighs, “Becau~se...” He looks back to the Bat with a grin, “You’re mine.”

Batman frowns, “... I’m Gotham’s.”

Joker would be waving him off right now, he knows it. Since he can’t actually do that, however, he just rolls his whole head and sighs dramatically, “Gotham’s mine, too.” He leans against the Bat’s broad shoulder and grins wickedly up at him, “I own both of you~” Joker coos before bursting into laughter again.

Batman tries to withhold his  ~~pleasured~~  shivering.

“What does that have to do with anything?” he asks, flustered and confused. Joker’s still laughing; but he’s paying close attention so the Bat continues, “You said you’ve known since 1940, Joker. Why haven’t you done anything with it?”

The clown frowns, “What  **would**  I do?”

Batman pauses. “... Blackmail me? Threaten me?” Something...?

Joker sighs, “Bats, Bats, Bats...” and looks almost sadly at aforementioned Bat; he is surprisingly serious, “What would be the point of that? I’d just loose you.”

The vigilante looks confused, “You could force me to stay with you...?” Images of kidnappings and ransoms fill Bruce’s mind: there’s no way he would allow harm to come to his ward. None. He almost jumps when Joker groans in exasperation.

“How? In doing that, you’d no longer be  **you**.”

Batman swallows. He looks away, pretending to make sure the feed isn’t back on ( _It won’t be; they wouldn’t do that to me._ ), and ignores Joker’s expectant look. After several long moments, the vigilante finally answers, “Why  **real**  fireworks?”

Joker grins, “Ooo~ Good question.”

Batman glares at him. The clown giggles madly, almost falling over in his straitjacket. The Bat quickly rights him, holding him steady as he calms himself.

Eventually, the criminal wheezes, “I  **told**  you: I was  **celebrating**!”

The vigilante nods slowly, remembering their conversation. He still doesn’t understand, “You usually do that with bombs— **deadly**  explosives. Why...?”

Joker stares and slowly calms, “... You’re an idiot.”

Batman balks. He stammers briefly before settling on an intimidating stare.

The clown giggles, “You’re so cute.”

When all this does is up the stare into a glare, the Joker sighs. Then, he smiles.

“I don’t do that to  **celebrate** , Bats; I do that to get your attention!” and his acidic eyes are strangely warm, “That time, I just wanted to celebrate meeting you.”

Batman’s heart no longer hurts.


	12. The First Robin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BatFam moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so, real quick: I’m basing the date of this anniversary/celebration on the [DC Calendar](https://esculentevil.tumblr.com/post/173299183270/aprilgtomlinson-dc-calendar) shared by [@a--g--t](https://tmblr.co/mExnHQm0BwhCwpr9JST7PlQ) which says Dick Grayson’s first appearance as Robin, the Boy Wonder, was on August 25th. I’m saying this now because, according to [DC](https://www.dccomics.com/characters/robin) and [wiki](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dick_Grayson), it was in April of 1940. I’m simply assuming that this discrepancy is being caused by the in-verse appearance date being August 25th while the real-verse publishing date for Detective Comic #38 was April 1940.

The box placed before him hardly makes a sound.

It’s small and innocuous and Richard can’t really do more than raise a brow at it. It doesn’t do much in response to this [not that he was expecting anything] so he turns his questioning gaze up to the person that placed it down: Bruce Wayne.

The man smiles.

It’s a quiet one, riddled with nerves and introversion. Richard smiles back, privately laughing at the thought that so many people in the world would be gawking if they could see the normally  ~~falsely~~   ~~performing~~   ~~masked~~  confident playboy of a man standing around in his own kitchen as though completely lost.

Idly, he wonders if the Joker would laugh, too, or be fascinated by this.

He isn’t even sure why he wonders about it; he supposes he’s just been around, watching them both, for too long to  **not**  know the clown would love to see this.

* * *

 

“What’s this?” Richard finally asks, eyes dropping back to the box for a bit.

“Ah...” Bruce clears his throat, appearing slightly flushed, and fidgets for a moment. Eventually, after Richard looks at him in mild but patient amusement, the older man quietly sits down in the chair across from his son and sidekick.

( _No_ , he corrects himself,  _He’s not my sidekick anymore_.)

As he smiles sadly, remembering both the days and nights they’d work side-by-side as well as the day everything changed—the day that insufferable madman shot his first adopted son, killed his first Robin, and birthed the only Nightwing—Bruce Wayne fights to explain his actions and himself to the man before him.

* * *

 

Richard waits patiently.

He’s extremely curious, of course: part of him wants to prod at the box; another part wants to tear it open and examine its insides; a third wants to  **ask**  or  **push**.

He doesn’t do any of this, though.

Instead, he watches his mentor ( _And he’ll always be my mentor._ ) think.

* * *

 

Finally, Bruce nudges the box closer to Richard.

Blinking, the younger man smiles—excited—and grasps the box. It’s still small but it’s also firm and doesn’t give away what’s inside. Grinning, now, and highly intrigued, Richard pushes open the hinged lid and peers into the container.

He blinks again, “... My... Emblem...”

If Bruce’s throat tightens because his son still recognizes the  _R_  as  **him**... well...

* * *

 

Richard looks up with shiny eyes when Bruce clears his throat.

“Yes.” The introvert glances around before looking back to the unmasked Nightwing. “It’s August 25th. Do you... do you remember what this day is?”

The young man grins, unable to resist, “Saturday.”

Bruce huffs and throws a napkin at him. Richard laughs and waves it off, hands going up in a calming gesture. The two share a quiet chuckle before settling.

“... The first time I suited up.”

Richard remembers that day. It had taken months of preparation: building upon his already there athletics from being an acrobat and a gymnast; learning boxing and jiu jitsu; all under the direction and guidance of the man sitting before him. When August 25th hit, he’d put it all into play: tricking boys and men alike until the man that got his parents killed, The Gangster Boss Zucco, was throwing his rat of a Hench, Blade, over the girders of the still in construction Canin Building.

He still remembers the sound the camera shutter made, sealing Zucco’s fate.

A fond smile crosses his face. Bruce had expected him to return to the circus; but he couldn’t—not after everything he’d seen and done that day. He’d always dreamt of using his talents to make others happy and he’d known that’s what his parents always wanted for him, too. Knowing that he had a way of doing both—making others happy and the memory of his parents proud—why would he  **go**?

( _More importantly_ , he thinks, gazing at the still nervous man in front of him, _Why would I ever go back to that when I have a home in you ~~and a circus in Joker~~?_)

Slowly, Richard’s fond smile turns warm. “Is that what this is?” he asks.

Just as slow, Bruce nods, “Yes...” and breaths deeply, “I want you to remember, always, that no matter what happens—who you become, what you grow into—you will always be Robin, the Boy Wonder, to me: my son, whom I’m proud of.”

Richard’s throat isn’t tight, ok, and he’s not choking back anything like tears ( _What? I learned denial from the very best, ok?_ ) as he says, “Thanks... Dad.”

* * *

 

~~[Epilogue:]~~

Richard clears his throat, “So, uh, what’re you gonna use to remember?”

Bruce laughs and shakes his head, “What, you think I don’t have anything?”

Richard just raises a brow.

His father smiles, “I have your suits—which you don’t need now. But that,” he points to the emblem, “That you can always use, even as Nightwing, son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And, yes, I absolutely had to throw hints of BatJokes in there; I mean, I’m a BatJokes blog! Also: I 100% think the first Robin/Richard/Dick/Nightwing begrudgingly ships them because he’s the one that’s been watching them dance around each other for decades and he’s not an idiot. Lastly: I’m sorry if I don’t quite get their characters right; I don’t normally write the Bitty Bats and Bruce is shockingly hard to write in his parental role when you normally write him as Batman—or, more aptly, as the Joker’s very reluctant and morally frustrated not-boyfriend-but- **something**. xD I’ll work on this. However, I do hope it was at least enjoyable to read and got the point across. ♦


	13. Dark Horse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by New 52 Issue #0′s Bruce. Also, while I’m not tagging him [he doesn’t like being tagged], this is still technically a gift for my friend who agrees that Bruce is sexy on a motorbike. This probably isn’t what he was expecting when he encouraged me to write something about that, tho, so expect me to take another crack at this one. Regardless, hope you all enjoy this!

Joker tries not to gape--he really, really does--but fails when he spots the  _horse_.

“You’re... using... a  **motorcycle**???” Why?! He’s supposed to be the Headless Horseman to Joker’s Ichabod Crane! (What is this silliness?!  **I** ’m the silly one!!!)

Bruce looks almost bemused [ _almost_  because Batman is never confused], “Yes.”

The villain gives up on not gaping, “A mo _t_ orbike is no _t_  a  **horse**!”

* * *

 

_True, but it isn’t as though you were going to be on horseback, too._

That was Bruce’s argument in the end and The Joker wasn’t able to rebut it. (That would have been a gross lie--and I prefer pretty ones, thank you!) However, it did cause a problem: the clown didn’t have a metal steed.

Bruce, of course, didn’t think this was a problem: “We can share.”

Which made Joker furious: “The point is for you to  **chase**  me!!!”

* * *

 

This is why Nightwing and Harley Quin are watching a handsome headless man chase a cackling Ichabod Crane across the rooftops of Gotham City.

It’s also why Red Hood is grumbling to himself under their leaping figures while supervising the Trick-or-Treating of Red Robin and Regular Robin.

Lastly, it’s why The Joker ends up clutching the hidden abs of Gotham’s player while straddling aforementioned philanthropist’s metal horse after being caught.

And if Alfred has to disinfect the Batcycle once they’re finally home, well...


	14. Dancing Doll

Batman’s illuminated eyes narrow dangerously as they alight on something  **odd**.

A doll, of sorts, is currently dancing along the perimeter of his chosen rooftop.

It does not appear to be attached to strings but it moves as though puppeted.

And it looks exactly like  **him**.

* * *

 

When Batman carefully approaches the doll, it does not seem to notice.

It continues to dance in contented silence or to a tune only it can hear.

Batman reaches out when he thinks he’s close enough...

Only to have the dancing doll leap out at him!

* * *

 

“Wha--?!”

“Ha Ha!”

Batman stares, shocked still, as the dancing doll stills to touch his nose.

The Joker grins from behind the poking doll, “Boop~!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fear my ridiculousness!!! xD Inspired by a silly little game I was playing with my friend.


End file.
